Sunday, December 18, 2011

To All A Good Fright

You better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout I'm telling you why, Santa Claus is coming to town. Ohhh, and did I mention he has been institutionalized and recently escaped with an axe in hand?

I enjoy Christmas. I don't get balls to the wall excited, but I like it. What can I say, I am a huge sucker for lights and glitter! I don't get into the music, I don't run around in a Santa hat, but I celebrate it. I put up my tree and lights and I spend cold nights drinking hot chocolate while watching Christmas movies. However, you won't watch me watching Miracle on 34th Street. I tend to like Christmas movies with a bit a blood, guts, murder, and mayhem! So, for those of you that love horror movies and Christmas, I have a list of Xmas horror flicks to get you in a festive mood!

My first recommendation is an oldie, but a goodie, Gremlins!

For those of you that haven't seen this or it's sequel I will fill you in. A man purchases a cute little critter for his son for Christmas. He goes against the clerks advice on taking care of the little guy and that is when the madness begins!

On a similar theme of creepy critters comes the film, Elves! This is about a young woman who discovers that she is the focus of an evil nazi experiment involving selective breeding and summoned elves, an attempt to create a race of supermen. She and two of her friends are trapped in a department store with an elf, and only Dan Haggerty, as the renegade loose-cannon Santa Claus, can save them

One of my lines is when Kristen's mom tells her that she looks horrible and Kristen replies, "Yeah, well, I had a rough day at work... Santa got murdered."

Another older film that is awesome is called Silent Night, Bloody Night. This one is about a man that inherits a mansion that turns out to be an old mental hospital. "The mansion... the madness... the maniac... no escape." The new owner begins to explore the mansions past and that's when things start to get good!

This film has a kick ass cast with lots of Andy Warhol favorites including including Mary Woronov, Jack Smith, Ondine and Candy Darling! John Carradine also joins the cast in this horror flick.

I sort of think that there is one film that always comes to mind when people think of Christmas and creepy movies, despite how uncreepy this film is. If you are a Tim Burton fan you know that I am talking about The Nightmare Before Christmas.

This stop-motion film is filled with colorful characters, songs that will get stuck in your head, and a Christmas favorite forever!

For those of you that like movies with sequels, I have an awesome film that has not one or two sequels, but four making a total of five films in this series making it the longest Christmas horror movie series to date! It is called Silent Night, Deadly Night. This first film is about young Billy who is sent to an orphanage after his parents are murdered. The Mother Superior of the orphanage isn't the kindest soul and that helps transform Billy into the a deranged lunatic that goes on a killing spree dressed as Santa!

The sequel is called Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2... I know, catchy. This film is about Ricky, the brother of the killer in the first film. Ricky talks to a psychiatrist about how he became a brutal killer after his brother died, leading back to Mother Superior. 

The third installment of this series is called Silent Night, Deadly Night: Better Watch Out! In this one, Ricky Caldwell, the "Santa Claus Killer," once thought dead, has been brought back to life by a crazed scientist. A blind woman finds that she is somehow psychically connected to the reanimated serial killer.

The fourth film is called Silent Night, Deadly Night: Initiation. In this one, a reporter investigating the bizarre death of a woman who leaped from a building in flames finds herself mixed up in a cult of witches who are making her part of their sacrificial ceremony during the Christmas season. The cult is dedicated to the Egyptian God, Isis.

The final film is Silent Night, Dead Night: The Toymaker. A young boy sees his father killed by a toy that was anonymously delivered to his house. After that, he is too traumatized to speak, and his mother must deal with both him and the loss of her husband. Meanwhile, a toy maker named Joe Peto builds some suspicious-looking toys, and a mysterious man creeps around both the toy store and the boy's house...but who is responsible for the killer toys?

This list continues with a favorite of mine, P2. 

This one is very easy to explain. A lady is trapped in a parking garage by a psychopath who is trying to kill her on Christmas Eve. This one is awesome and worth watching if you love Wes Bentley like I do.

For you wrestling fans, I have a kick ass Christmas horror flick for you too starring Bill Goldberg. This one is called Santa's Slay!

In this film Santa is actually a demon that lost a game with an angel and as a result has to deliver toys to children every year on Christmas Eve for 1000 years. When his time is up he returns to his old ways going on a killing spree!

My absolute favorite holiday horror film of all time is Black Christmas! I love the original, I love the remake, I love love love love love this one!

It's about an escaped maniac, Billy, returns to his childhood home on Christmas Eve, which is now a sorority house, and begins to murder the sorority sisters one by one. Billy has quite a past and some strange traditions he picked up from his last Christmas outside of the nuthouse!

This may be one of those films you don't sit down and watch with the family if they have a weak stomach, scare easily, or hate awesome horror movies. Just sayin.

Another older film that is a bit harder to find is called The Night Train Murders. It's an awesome cult film directed by Aldo Lado.

A pair of psychotic hoodlums and an equally demented nymphomaniac woman terrorize two young girls on a train trip from Germany to Italy. Can Margaret and Lisa fend off the killers until their train reaches its destination?

Another one that is hard to find, but is awesome is called Christmas Evil. It also can be found under the title, You Better Watch Out!

The winter weather isn't the only thing that's frightful about this unconventional holiday offering about a toy maker whose obsession with Christmas spirals dangerously out of control. After enduring a traumatic childhood in which he learned there was no such thing as Santa Claus, Harry Stadling takes it upon himself to judge the "naughty" and the "nice." But instead of spreading cheer, he opts for fear.

Believe it or not, there is yet another cliche Christmas horror movie out there where a group of teenagers at a party find themselves being stalked by a maniacal killer in a Santa Claus costume. This one is called To All A Good Night. However, this one is directed by the one and only David Hess! For those of you lost on that one ring leader in the original The Last House on the Left.

It's Christmas break at the Calvin Finishing School for Girls, and the students are planning a big party while the president of the school is away. A group of boys show up and the fun begins, until mysterious killer starts bumping off couples one by one. The police show up and promise to keep everyone safe, but they prove ineffectual against the crazed psycho. Could the killings have anything to do with the girl who was killed in an initiation stunt at the school a few years earlier?

Somebody with very little Christmas spirit is killing anyone in a Santa suit one London holiday season, and Scotland Yard has to stop him before he makes his exploits an annual tradition.

This little diddy is called Don't Open Till Christmas. Gotta love a vicious maniac who relishes impaling, disfiguring and castrating his jolly victims.

Two words: Chopping Mall!

These bargains are to die for! High-tech robots with state-of-the-art firepower have been employed as night watchmen at the Park Plaza Mall. But when an errant bolt of lightning short-circuits the computer switchboard that controls the robots, the mechanical security men turn into rampaging "killbots." Meanwhile, four horny couples are checking out the mattresses after-hours. Little do they know they're about to go from bed to bath... and beyond!

One of the more recent Holiday horror films to come around is called Wind Chill!

This movie stars the amazing Emily Blunt. While driving home for Christmas break, two college students find their vehicle broken down on a deserted road where the souls of all who have perished there return to haunt them.

So, how many of you remember Jack Frost? or the sequel?

When his prison transport collides with a truck full of "genetic material," condemned serial killer Jack Frost (Scott MacDonald) is inexplicably transformed into a terrifying, murderous snowman. With a red plaid scarf, a carrot nose and a heart made out of coal, the icy madman sets his sights on a small rural town and goes on an old-fashioned killing spree. Shannon Elizabeth co-stars in this chilling horror flick directed by Michael Cooney.

Everyone has heard of Santa Claus, but what about Satan Claus?

On the night before Christmas, a serial killer dressed in a Santa Claus suit stalks the streets of New York looking for blood. It seems this madman is building the perfect Christmas tree and adorning it with parts of his victims. It's up to an actor, his police officer girlfriend and a voodoo woman to stop him.

What about Santa Claws?

Under normal conditions, a man in a jolly red suit can be delightful. But when the outfit belongs to a demented psycho who's convinced he's Santa Claus, it's absolutely frightful. Raven Quinn, a sexy B-movie scream queen whose marriage is crumbling, is already dreading the Christmas season. When her creepy next-door neighbor starts dishing out his own brand of holiday cheer, things only go south from there.

Get ready for some cheese with Feeders 2: Slay Bells!

Mean martians arrive on Christmas Eve to terrorize innocent earthlings. The heavily-armed residents of one small town (with a little help from Santa himself!) defend themselves as best they can; splatter-be-damned.

Here is one that came out ten years ago called The Christmas Season Massacre!

Tommy is a loser. He wears a pirate eye-patch, a Christmas gift he was given as a child. It is a symbol of the humiliation Tommy endured in high school. Tommy was the subject of so much torment from his classmates that he became a bloodthirsty maniac! Tommy disappeared, vowing to eventually slay all of his schoolyard tormentors. Over the years, he has slaughtered all but six of them. Now, these six former schoolmates unite to end Tommy's reign of terror. Will they put Tommy six feet under? Or will Tommy win by slicing and dicing the six remaining on his victim list?

Here is another ten year old Xmas horror flick called Nutcracker: An American Nightmare! This one stars David Hess!

Troubled John Gard (David Hess) decides to seek help from shrink Carlton Fairfax (Bill Bragg), who's caught up in his own maelstrom of personal and professional turmoil. After Carlton tests a controversial new therapy on John, both men end up spiraling into madness. Before long, Carlton comes face to face with the brutal tragedies of his past in this low-budget psychological horror film written and directed by Glen Grefe.

One Hell of a Christmas is a dark and action packed comedy that takes place in a modern city as well as in a fearful underworld. When Carlitos is released after doing 2 years of "hard time", he attempts to redeem himself and sets an example for his 5 year-old son. However, when a friend confronts him with a very dark and horrifying scam for some quick dough and good times, he declines, but never the less he soon finds himself entangled in a web of sex, drugs and Christmas carols.

Talk about one hell of a Christmas!

Last, but not least, is a new favorite in my top five favorite Christmas horror films is Dead End!

This one will make you laugh and scream! Dreading the drive he's made to his mother-in-law's house for Christmas for the past two decades, Frank (Ray Wise) takes a shortcut this year to save time. He'll wish he hadn't when he crosses paths with a strange woman who drifts through the forest on a killing spree; a driverless car transporting the bodies follows behind, and those who survive fall prey to insanity. Will Frank's detour turn into a hell on earth he may never be able to escape?

One of my favorite parts is when the dad, Frank, gets shot in the leg and he screams, "Holy shit! The bitch shot me in the leg!" and the mother calmly sits next to him and asks, "Is he hurt?" Classic!

Well, I hope you saw some old favorites on this list and some new films to add to your queue. I hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday season! This is A Ghouls Best Friend saying Merry Christmas to all and to all a good fright!

1 comment: